Emotional storms

It has been a rough few weeks for our family. B-man's weight continues to drop as he refuses to eat and even the g-button feeds are not helping. His skin has become paper thin an even the smallest scratch becomes a big infection. On top of all of this, I somehow managed to hurt my wrist so now I am in a brace that does not allow for me to do many of of daily chores. I am abl eto do B-man's care but with great difficulty and probably at a detriment to the healing process of my wrist. It it painful, yet I am chosing to not take any pain medications that would possibly interfere with B-man's safety of me caring for him while "under the influence" of a narcotic analgesic.

I am in a constant state of worry about him. We have always understood that his time on earth would be shortened. However, after 24 years with him, I am not ready to let go. So, I continue to fight for him, even when I can clearly see that he himself is no longer fighting, nor is his body in a position to allow him to fight. I am still not over greiving the loss of my best friend yet, I DO NOT want to lose my baby as well. I don't feel like I could survive it emotionally. I am teetering at best right now. Never in my life have I had such feelings of despair as now. I have always been able to withstand anything that life threw at me and smile anyway. Not right now.

I am aware that grief can cause these huge emotional storms as well as the fluctuating perimenopausal hormone levels. I am in hopes that soon, I can work my way through these evil joy stealers and find my happiness for good once again. I do not like feeling like this. It makes me feel weak. I continue to pray but I think God is on vacation with no cell service at the moment. So, for now, I just keep leaving messages that my power is out. Hopefully, He will return soon.
~Ginger~