A New Year

Since it has been nearly 3 months since my last post, I had better backtrack a bit. My friend began to steadily get worse. December 18 was our annual Christmas get together with her and her family. In the past, we would laugh, eat, drink and exchange gifts. Price was not important. We just enjoyed hanging out together. This night, we ate but there was not much laughing. My friend came over in a wheelchair and in pain. Since it had been nearly a week since I had seen her, I was taken aback by her gaunt appearance. As a woman who loved to cook and eat, she had plump cheeks that glowed when she smiled. On this night, she did not look like the same beautiful woman I knew so well. I fought back the tears and entertained as best I could. My gift to her had come a week earlier. I paid our hairdresser to come to her home and give her a cut and color. She loved it. She told me that it was the most thoughtful gift she had ever gotten. I loved this woman and it hurt so badly to see her deteriorate so rapidly. The evening was over far earlier than it had been in the past. She was not able to tolerate being up for too long so they all went home. I doubt that they had even made it to the end of our driveway before the tears began. I buried my face in my husband's chest, he wrapped his big strong arms around me and I cried my heart out.

We spent the next two nights with her girls, looking at Christmas lights and taking them to Dave & Buster's. They enjoyed getting out of the house and doing something normal. A few days later, we drove three hours north to visit our family for Christmas but I really wanted to be spending this last Christmas with her. I spoke with her on Christmas day and she was having trouble remembering what presents she received. Two days after we arrived back home, Hospice told her family that she had only about a week to live. At the time, she was still able to use a wheelchair and walker to go to her recliner and to the bathroom. Within a couple of days, even that freedom was gone. She was basically confined to a hospital bed. I went to see her everyday even if only for a few minutes as she was beginning to sleep most of the time now. I told her all of the things I needed to tell her. She was able to utter only a few words but I will never forget them.

New Year's Eve arrived and her husband wanted to make a toast to her at midnight. We went over and had champagne. At midnight we all went into her room and gathered around her hospital bed. She awakened for a few minutes and knew we were all there. The toast was beautiful...just like my friend. The next two days were extremely rough for her and her family. She was actively dying now and it was difficult to watch. I sat by her bed for several hours on that last day. She knew I was there at first but as she slipped further and further away, she grew agitated. I believe she knew she was leaving soon and in the attempt to cross from this life into the next became anxious. I left her at about 11:45pm only to be called at 2:30am and told that she had passed. It was January 3, 2010.

Today, I am still grieving her loss. She was all the things you hope to find in a friend and I am convinced that I will never again have a friend like her. She will live on forever in my heart.