We Knew This Day Would Come

Twenty four years ago, when B-man was born, we knew the day would come when we would have to say goodbye. Friday, July 9, 2010 was that day. Our precious little Bryan, aka. Rudy, Sweetpea, Mini-man, B-man, Morudis from Potudis and Stinkerbell, left his disabled little body behind and ran happily into the waiting arms of God. It was a shock to Buddy and I.

B-man had awoken seemingly fine that morning and eaten most of his breakfast. We were headed out to lunch then a movie because Buddy had taken the day off. At lunch he began to get sick to his stomach. He started sweating and gagging. We hurried to finished our own meals and decided to nix the movie and return home so B-man could lay down and hopefully feel better. I was attempting to give him some pepto bismol in his G-button when I felt of his tummy. It was not only distended but rock hard as well. Not a good sign. We immediately loaded him back in the van and rushed him to the children's hospital, where all of his specialists are on staff.

By the time we got there, his lips were a dusky blue and he was having difficulty breathing. They were very proficient at getting him hooked up to monitors and oxygen. The resident Dr. was already pulling up his history and asking all the right questions. Whenit became apparent that he was not improving, we were asked about code status. I immediately said, "He is a full code!". Less than a minute of saying that, he stopped breathing. He was bagged and then intubated and connected to a ventilator. During this process his heart rate remained high and I never left his side although more than one attempt was made to lure me from the room. I refused to stop holding his hand. I knew I needed to call family and let them know what was happening so I brought Buddy in to take my place holding his hand. I was stern in my warning, "Don't let go!".

I was out of the room only long enought to call my Mom and tell her that he was on a vent when I heard a nurse say his heart rate is dropping. I hung up and entered the room only to see them doing chest compressions on my little Sweetpea. Suddenly, time seemed to stand still. I envisioned broken ribs, devastating brain damage and a B-man unable to enjoy life like he once had done. I felt strength come from a presence far superior to me. I knew immediately what had to be done.

I walked into the room and told them to stop. It wasn't a request, it was an order. I had no clue how I was doing this but I knew that it was the right thing to do. I looked at my unbelievably strong husband and saw tears streaming down his face as he silently nodded "yes" to me. I explained to them that I loved him too much to let him hurt any longer. The resident in charge said, "You're doing the right thing". I already knew that but it didn't make it any easier.

We were told to take as long as we needed. The social worker and chaplain came and got all of the required information for the funeral home. We spent the next three hours holding and loving our precious little man. It was the most difficult thing we have ever had to do. Telling our daughter and parents was the second hardest. Brandi was devastated. So were we.

We had his little body taken back to our hometown and held a life celebration. Somehow, Buddy managed to put together four photo dvds with music and I wrote most of his eulogy. It was read by the pastor from the church we attended when we had lived there. He even had everyone give a standing ovation and applause as a tribute for our amazing young man. It was truly wonderful.

It's been 5 weeks and the hurt continues. B-man is pain free now and that is the most important thing. We both know that we will see him again in heaven and that knowledge is all that is holding me together. We are attempting to find a balance in our lives...B-man was always that piece before. It is difficult starting over as a couple. We have never known that. We are beginning a new chapter in our lives. I remember when B-man was born, we used to ask each other, "When is life going to get back to normal?". One day we realized that this was our new normal. The same applies here...this is our new normal. Although it doesn't feel that way now, it will eventually.

God lent us our precious little B-man for 24 1/2 years longer than the doctors ever predicted. God is truly amazing!

~Ginger~